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Женщинам: как проведете 23 февраля, так и встретите 8 марта.

 

Если девочке до пяти лет сумели внушить, что она королева, после пяти она внушит это всему миру.

 

Лучший способ избавиться от искушения - это поддаться ему…

 

Девушка спрашивает соседа по парте:- Кроссворд не сходится, помоги.- Давай.- Слово из трех букв: длинное, твердое, на й заканчивается?- Кий.- Точно, кий! Дай ластик…

 

Осталось мало шампуня на дне. Просто добавь воды!

 

У меня сегодня мама поинтересовалась: "Оля, ты какие-нибудь другие способы подготовки к экзаменам помимо молитвы знаешь?

 

Йогурт "Растибрюшко". Теперь с пивом!

 

Мне не до тебя, гуляю одна! Пусть смотрят мальчишки постарше тебя! Малыш, не скучай, танцуй до утра! Девчонок так много, но я не твоя…

 

Если Вы смахиваете крошки со стола на пол рукой - к ссоре с женой.

 

Клуб знакомств: "У кого за тридцать!"

 

Сходил в армию, отдал долг родине и решил, больше в такие долги не влезать…

 

А вы сможете убедить русского человека в том, что он не прав без единого мата?

 

Вначале было слово… Потом дали по морде…

 

А помните как мы заливались слезами когда в детстве у нас умирал Томагочи?!

 

Почему как только лежишь в ванной и кайфуешь кому-то обязательно надо пойти и покакать…

 

А вы слышали когда-нибудь о методе "сухой стирки"? Это когда из корзины с грязной одеждой достается что-нибудь самое чистое!

 

- Дорогой, ты помнишь, что у моей мамы завтра день рождения? - Блин, ну каждый год, одно и то же!

 

Если кто-то говорит, что счастье не купишь, значит, он ничего не понимает в шопинге!

 

Есть подозрение, что пока я сплю тапки ссорятся и разбегаются - один под диван, один под стол. Бесит.

 

Наконец-то задержана банда бабушек, специально создающая очередь в сберкассах…

 

В России две беды - дураки и дороги. И когда наш президент куда-нибудь едет, одна сразу начинает ремонтировать другую.

 

Помогите! Моя подруга накурилась! Она села в стиральную машинку и уехала! Я бы догнала её на пылесосе., но… у меня прав нет!

 

Мне кажется, что все инструкции на русском языке давно уже пора начинать словами "Итак, оно не работает..."

 

Кризис отразился и на мне: пью старое вино, ем сыр с плесенью, езжу на машине без крыши…
Опубликовано, 31-01-2011, 08:06 Комментариев: 94
 (голосов: 549)


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